Continuation of Language: Parallelism

I recently wrote about language misuse in news headlines and statements that go something along the order of, The cyclist was hit by a car. These have become so common that a few of us have used #robotcar to denote a statement where I appears as if the car does not have a driver.

The statement, The cyclist hit by a car, has issues of clarity as a result of:

1) not acknowledging responsibility (i.e., #robotcar)
2) unclear adjective (article) usage
3) nonparallel subjects

I saw a whimsical example of nonparallel structure at my neighborhood candy store.

The sign with which we are all familiar,
No Shoes
No Shirt
No Service

reads in parallel because everything has desired item (the second word in the phrase) has a No in front. This says, If you do not have shoes or a shirt, you will receive no service. To further check the parallel structure, turn the statement into the positive and if it reads well, it is parallel, If you are wearing a shirt and have shoes on, you will receive service.

Easy enough.

However, apply this same logic to the sign prominently displayed on the front door of the candy shop, and the result is humorous.

The problem comes from the third and fourth phrases These phrases, thrown in as an extra among more commonly used ones, which is likely the reason why they do not work, states that people entering the store must have Alcohol and be Sagging otherwise they will not receive Service.

Apply the test,
If you do not have a shirt, you will not get service.
If you do not have shoes, you will not get service.
If you do not have alcohol, you will not get service.
If you do not have sagging, you will not get service.

My family has not been to the candy shop. However, we are excited because it is also a frozen yogurt shop. This will be a great place to which we can walk in the summer. Luckily, I have time to prepare the family with proper sagginess. I wonder what type of alcohol my sons will want.

Decisions.